Champion of workplace equality is taking modeling jobs away from prettier women — The Angry Dad
In a towering example of “So…is this what we’re doing now?”, Megan Rapinoe is going to be a Victoria’s Secret model because real life can’t seem to stop doing favors for satirists nowadays.
Look, let me caveat, preamble, preface, and bookend this crap by saying that physical beauty doesn’t hold the only value for a woman. I will contend, however, that God is an artist and women are His masterpiece. But, we’ve established that men are shallower than women in the budding moments of a romantic relationship because women are generally better at getting to know the guy and are attracted to his more profound qualities while men start with attraction at the face and work their way down. But COME ON, people!
We all know what Victoria’s Secret is! They’re not packaging the cure for cancer in those extraordinarily pink bags one feels ashamed holding while walking to the food court. They burst into the free market by selling sexy-wear as their product line. They weren’t the first, won’t be the last, but were certainly one of the most recognizable. I don’t condone the monetizing of sex (my mom reads my awful writing sometimes so that’s my story and I’m sticking to it) but at least you know what their game was going in. When I was married and on a date with my wife I walked by their store with my eyes averted. When I was a single father taking my kids for a shopping day I walked by their store with my eyes averted so as to set a good example for my boys. When I was a single father and my kids were old enough to stay at home while I got some time alone, I walked by their store with my eyes averted because I believe in Jesus and I don’t want to look like a total perv. Sex sells, and they sell sex.
And Megan Rapinoe is here to change that, or at least change my ideas of beauty, I guess? I’m not really sure what the agenda is, but I’m 100% positive I and the patriarchy are to blame. It’s weird, because I thought standards of beauty were one of the most subjective things that ever existed and completely dependent upon the eye of the beholder, but what do I know? I’m just a straight, white male and unworthy of an opinion in all my straight, white male ickiness.
And now, this beloved soccer star who pontificates about being paid the same as a man for doing the same job (stepping onto the soccer field with men seems to not be part of the equation pertaining to “same job”) is now taking gainful employment away from some very fine and upstanding women who I am sure are just models for the time being while they kickstart a career in showcasing their intellect. Nice job being a filthy, doo-doo head hypocrite, Megan! I hope you’re happy with yourself. What am I saying? The chicken wings of your feelings are overabundantly slathered in leftist opinion sauce. You’re always happy with yourself.
What will these poor models do now? They can’t find jobs in the sciences if 80’s era stereotypes about pretty ladies being stupid are to be believed, and I think we all know they are. Allow me to riff, if you will. Can they lie faceup on the ground and rent out their poofy lips as bouncy moonwalk attractions for small children? I’m sure they don’t want to spend all day on their backs (ba-dump-ba). Should they step onto the soccer field and serve Megan some of her own medicine? They’d tear through sports bras like wildfire, and women’s soccer just simply doesn’t generate the kind of revenue to handle that extra budgetary strain. Should they start stripping because it’s just a hop, skip, and jump away from modeling? Better pick up a meth habit and start having babies with disappointing beta males. Should they run for political office? At least they’d raise the average I.Q. in the swamp. Take up acting? Yeah, because Hollywood is running short on scantily clad bimbos. Enter nursing? Only if hospitals can handle the influx of men finding any reason to hit up the ER. Come and hang out with me as I cut lawns and attract me some new landscaping clientele? That’s…actually a good idea. Become bricklayers, HVAC specialists, carpenters, electricians, tool and dye makers, plumbers, or millwrights? Actually yes, because the skilled trades are starving for warm (and soft, and inviting) bodies to fill much-needed positions (you’re welcome in advance, Mike Rowe et al). Okay, so I think we’ve found a solution. Megan Rapinoe is now the standard of beauty. Get out there and strut your stuff, Megan. Then do your little dance on the catwalk. On the catwalk. Do your little dance on the catwalk, Megan. Yeah-heah. Former models, get out in the sun and lay some roofing shingles. When you’re done with that, we’ve got some serious grout to…apply…rout…nail…fasten? Reader of this horrible blog, keep reading.
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Originally published at https://bugle-bison-6aye.squarespace.com on June 25, 2021.
